Remote patient monitoring only works if its alarms are trusted, and trust depends entirely on where the threshold is set. This simulator renders a 42-bed telemetry ward where each bed streams a noisy heart-rate signal — most patients healthy, a tunable fraction genuinely critical — and lets you drag the single number a real RPM system alarms on. Watch the live confusion matrix settle as you move it: sensitivity and specificity trade off exactly as signal-detection theory predicts, false alarms per hour climb as the threshold tightens toward the normal population, and missed criticals climb as it loosens toward the critical one. A one-click Youden's-J button jumps to the statistically optimal cutoff for the current separation and noise, showing why "just lower the threshold" is never a free fix for alarm fatigue in telehealth monitoring.